reader throws self out of a window screaming… maybe
why are you a best seller???
this is an actual quote?? WTF
A+ gif use.
WHY THIS LINE DOESN’T WORK: AN ANALYSIS:
1) It is an unspoken rule of comedy that the more adjectives you pile onto a simile, the funnier it gets. Observe:
"His voice was like chocolate." = an okay comparison, could do with some reasons why his voice was like chocolate, but we all like chocolate here, right? So we can make some inferences: his voice is rich, sweet, desirable, etc.
"His voice was like dark chocolate." = a bit better, with "dark" suggesting things like tone, depth, and even a little touch of the forbidden and decadent. A little cliche, but a reasonable comparison. We can stop here.
"His voice was like dark melted chocolate." = melted suggests heat, implying his voice was also kind of hot, but you said before that his voice was already "warm" so that detail was unnecessary so really, you need to stop now.
"His voice was like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel." = that just sounds like a big gooey mess. Not unlike this sentence.
2) “…or something.” The humor in the “or something” is that Ana was so explicitly precise in her description of Christian’s voice that she now wants to lighten the mood and play down her attraction by qualifying that she’s not really that certain. In another novel this would be humorous and goofy and suggest a self-depreciating playfulness that APPEARS ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE IN THIS NOVEL. It’s a jarring, weak note of humor in a book where other instances of the heroine being playful have resulted in her being forcibly sexually subjugated.
3) This book tries so hard to present itself as sleek and sophisticated that sophomoric attempts at humor are completely disruptive. This is not a book that wants you to have a jolly fun sexy romp where people whisper and giggle and have tickle-fights. It is not a sex farce or a send-up on the whole straight-faced serious-business erotica genre. It is supposed to BE straight-faced serious-business erotica. That kind of erotica requires a certain tone to be successful. Shit like this is a tone-killer.
4) Attaching such an elaborate simile to such a banal phrase as “it’s a pleasure to see you again” implies either the author is trying too hard or the narrator is reading far, far too much into basic workplace formalities. I would love the latter to be case, since then we would at least have an impression of a lead character with some psychological depth. Fictional psycho-stalkers are way more interesting than real-life ones.